And if you only knew why, well you probably just might cry.
I'm still thankful, though.
While I've been away:
*My husband moved out of the house, and into an apartment with his girlfriend.
*I suffered prolonged periods of emotional and psychological abuse.
*My children reacted and acted-out towards the choas and confusion.
*I had to leave my position with the church to find full-time employment.
*I was victim of a violent crime that was in connection with the new full-time employment.
*I lost my job as a result of the violent crime committed against my person.
*I became divorced.
*I lived daily with the reality and after-effects of these traumas; and other extensions of them - both stemming from what used to be and what is to come
While I've been away, I also:
*Learned to rely more heavily on God that ever before.
*Received 5 months of expenses by the Hand of God through my brothers and sisters in Christ; until
*Was provided a remarkable opportunity to earn income from home, supporting me and my children while remaining inside my new safe-zone
*Grew and strengthed relationships with new friends and extended family that had been absent in my life
*Learned to trust Jesus more and people less...
*Continued to keep my eye on the Prize
*Watched His Goodness unfold before my eyes
*Suffered in grievous pain that only drew me nearer to Him Who Saves
*Recognized His Strength and Sovereignty
*Endeavored to seek Him in all things
and
*Remained Thankful
It sure has been a load-off to know and accept that my worst day serves a Higher Purpose:
My confusion reveals Truth in His Word; My weakness proclaims His Strength; My sorrow cries out His Comfort and Peace.
It's Another Day in Montgomery and I say:
It's important to be thankful in all things. For all things work to the Glory of God for those who seek Him.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
02-04-2009
Well - I haven't been here in about 5 months. Doubt anyone even checks this thing anymore.
Doesn't matter.
The title of the post points to an interesting day for me. I will be having surgery then to remove a tumor attached to an internal organ. Whoopie! The organ is one of two ovaries I have. When I'm done, I will have one. When I am done I will be glad I have not one but two children as I also have to have another procedure which will render my uterus virtually useless. (Guess for anyone reading you are probably sorry I picked up again at this point.)
But - Praise the Lord I get to actually KEEP my uterus and one of my ovaries.
Praise the Lord the tumor is NOT cancerous. It's a mature teratoma (Greek meaning = monstrous tumor). I thought that maybe monstrous meant huge, but no. It means MONSTER.
Ugh. If you are brave and think gross = cool then you should look it up. If you are brave, but do NOT think gross = cool then I would not look it up at all because it's NASTY!! If you are not brave then you should DEFINITELY not look it up because you will not be able to sleep for days. :)
Praise the Lord that we (Dr's, me & family) know that I have a VERY high incidence of "feminine cancers" in my family. (Doesn't that sound pretty? "feminine cancers"?) There are no less than 5 - yes, five - close female family members who have had breast, ovarian and uterine cancers. I had only known of one until the tumor reared it's ugly head and then it was revealed to me just how high the rate was on my maternal side. I say Praise the Lord because now I know the truth and know just how conscientious I need to be in physical check-ups and that it hasn't caught me.
Praise the Lord that my surgeon also does wood carving. LOL. I told him, "At least I know my insides will look pretty when you're done!".
Praise the Lord it is considered day surgery and not a "major operation" (although I don't know how anyone can call removing something you were born to live with your entire life "minor").
It's Another Day in Montgomery and I say:
Praise the Lord all the way through the day.
Doesn't matter.
The title of the post points to an interesting day for me. I will be having surgery then to remove a tumor attached to an internal organ. Whoopie! The organ is one of two ovaries I have. When I'm done, I will have one. When I am done I will be glad I have not one but two children as I also have to have another procedure which will render my uterus virtually useless. (Guess for anyone reading you are probably sorry I picked up again at this point.)
But - Praise the Lord I get to actually KEEP my uterus and one of my ovaries.
Praise the Lord the tumor is NOT cancerous. It's a mature teratoma (Greek meaning = monstrous tumor). I thought that maybe monstrous meant huge, but no. It means MONSTER.
Ugh. If you are brave and think gross = cool then you should look it up. If you are brave, but do NOT think gross = cool then I would not look it up at all because it's NASTY!! If you are not brave then you should DEFINITELY not look it up because you will not be able to sleep for days. :)
Praise the Lord that we (Dr's, me & family) know that I have a VERY high incidence of "feminine cancers" in my family. (Doesn't that sound pretty? "feminine cancers"?) There are no less than 5 - yes, five - close female family members who have had breast, ovarian and uterine cancers. I had only known of one until the tumor reared it's ugly head and then it was revealed to me just how high the rate was on my maternal side. I say Praise the Lord because now I know the truth and know just how conscientious I need to be in physical check-ups and that it hasn't caught me.
Praise the Lord that my surgeon also does wood carving. LOL. I told him, "At least I know my insides will look pretty when you're done!".
Praise the Lord it is considered day surgery and not a "major operation" (although I don't know how anyone can call removing something you were born to live with your entire life "minor").
It's Another Day in Montgomery and I say:
Praise the Lord all the way through the day.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Out of the Valley
Hello (Hello)(Hello).
That is the echo of my voice calling out. Are you still there? Am I still here? I know, at least, I am not where I once was.
Have you ever been through something really, really cool with God and then been sent down the hill into the valley?
You know - like you witness your child doing something wonderful and kind and full of His Spirit and share that news with someone, only to turn around and find them swinging from the chandeliers in their underwear screaming about how you are loser and how much they hate you??
Or - you go through a totally God-breathed event like the aforementioned VBS only to find that while you were focused on doing God's Thing God's Way, the enemy was marking the lines of the battlefield? (And then you realize that the battlefield was EVERYwhere?)
Fun stuff. NOT!!
Coming out of VBS my home was attacked (as if the prior issues with l-o-w-e-s were not enough - they only got worse and "still" aren't finished).
Coming out of VBS my financial world was attacked (and is slowly making it's way out of the deep and darkness).
Coming out of VBS my personal relationships were attacked (bruised and battered in emotions and spirit).
Coming out of VBS (praise the Lord) I didn't give up.
But oh this weekend, "I Quit!!"
I quit accepting what was set before me as it had been. I quit accepting the damage being done and at one time I literally stood eye-to-eye with evil and demanded that "it" leave. Leave my children alone, leave my husband alone, leave me alone.
But - I have to say - it wasn't until I realized that the only "safe place" I had was at my place of employment - my church. Funny? Nah - he knows there is no place for him there. It was only when I saw this that I knew what I was really up against. I even dickered with God over it - roaming the streets of my neighborhood from 11-12 in the pm/am on a Saturday night. Never doubting who God Is and never doubting His Power, I "argued" with Him over His Sovereign Right to strip away everything that I held valuable. I claimed defeat in my own ability to accomplish anything without Him, defeat in my attempts to try, defeat in my ability to go on without His intervention. My own admittance of weakness that I did not have the strength or power or will(?) to continue His Work without His Safety.
As of today, I received a financial blessing (that will have to be repaid - I'm for that) and a plan to make the finances work. My husband was offered a new job that will allow him more room for growth than the stagnant waters he had been in. My children are aware that their mother is a warrior (and are now, rightfully, afraid of what "I" can "make happen"). The familial elements causing strife and frustration now have a new found respect for the extent to which "I" am "in charge" of the goings on in Montgomery. My home issues are on the mend and the installers are even sending me a $50 gift-card to l-o-w-e-s for "all my trouble". (LOL!!!!!!!!)
It's Another Day in Montgomery (and boy has it been a long one) and I say:
Who are we without Him, but flightless birds in the valley surrounded by hungry wolves - our nests resting only on top of the highest mountain.
(Aside to B - someone told me last week, "You have a really interesting life. You should write a book." Where-oh-where are the words??)
That is the echo of my voice calling out. Are you still there? Am I still here? I know, at least, I am not where I once was.
Have you ever been through something really, really cool with God and then been sent down the hill into the valley?
You know - like you witness your child doing something wonderful and kind and full of His Spirit and share that news with someone, only to turn around and find them swinging from the chandeliers in their underwear screaming about how you are loser and how much they hate you??
Or - you go through a totally God-breathed event like the aforementioned VBS only to find that while you were focused on doing God's Thing God's Way, the enemy was marking the lines of the battlefield? (And then you realize that the battlefield was EVERYwhere?)
Fun stuff. NOT!!
Coming out of VBS my home was attacked (as if the prior issues with l-o-w-e-s were not enough - they only got worse and "still" aren't finished).
Coming out of VBS my financial world was attacked (and is slowly making it's way out of the deep and darkness).
Coming out of VBS my personal relationships were attacked (bruised and battered in emotions and spirit).
Coming out of VBS (praise the Lord) I didn't give up.
But oh this weekend, "I Quit!!"
I quit accepting what was set before me as it had been. I quit accepting the damage being done and at one time I literally stood eye-to-eye with evil and demanded that "it" leave. Leave my children alone, leave my husband alone, leave me alone.
But - I have to say - it wasn't until I realized that the only "safe place" I had was at my place of employment - my church. Funny? Nah - he knows there is no place for him there. It was only when I saw this that I knew what I was really up against. I even dickered with God over it - roaming the streets of my neighborhood from 11-12 in the pm/am on a Saturday night. Never doubting who God Is and never doubting His Power, I "argued" with Him over His Sovereign Right to strip away everything that I held valuable. I claimed defeat in my own ability to accomplish anything without Him, defeat in my attempts to try, defeat in my ability to go on without His intervention. My own admittance of weakness that I did not have the strength or power or will(?) to continue His Work without His Safety.
As of today, I received a financial blessing (that will have to be repaid - I'm for that) and a plan to make the finances work. My husband was offered a new job that will allow him more room for growth than the stagnant waters he had been in. My children are aware that their mother is a warrior (and are now, rightfully, afraid of what "I" can "make happen"). The familial elements causing strife and frustration now have a new found respect for the extent to which "I" am "in charge" of the goings on in Montgomery. My home issues are on the mend and the installers are even sending me a $50 gift-card to l-o-w-e-s for "all my trouble". (LOL!!!!!!!!)
It's Another Day in Montgomery (and boy has it been a long one) and I say:
Who are we without Him, but flightless birds in the valley surrounded by hungry wolves - our nests resting only on top of the highest mountain.
(Aside to B - someone told me last week, "You have a really interesting life. You should write a book." Where-oh-where are the words??)
Sunday, July 13, 2008
God is so GOOD!
How can I put into words what a tremendous success VBS was this year? God didn't just show up...He was right there waiting for us each and every day.
I can start by testifying that ALL my personal requests were answered. (Thank youf or praying it out with us.) We had no rain, children were happy, teachers fulfilled and our days flowed smoothly. Then I can share with you some of what I got to hear today and throughout the week.
One girl said, "I'm having a GREAT time! My grandma and I decided we're coming back every year."
An un-churched mom said, "I wanna come hang out with you guys!"
The mother of teenage volunteers said, "They had such a good time. They're already talking about next year."
Another mother said, "They came home so excited. They went on and on and then it all started over again when their dad got home."
A child who had a jubilee at her church today, skipped her service because she didn't want to miss our last time together.
A few children came back inside (from the waterslide) to spend a few more minutes in the worship theater and helped clean up.
And most precious and wonderful to me, we sent MULTIPLE letters home to the parents of children who decided to accept Christ as their Savior.
It's Another Day in Montgomery and I say:
To God be the GLORY because all I am is a crazy lady with a clipboard.
I can start by testifying that ALL my personal requests were answered. (Thank youf or praying it out with us.) We had no rain, children were happy, teachers fulfilled and our days flowed smoothly. Then I can share with you some of what I got to hear today and throughout the week.
One girl said, "I'm having a GREAT time! My grandma and I decided we're coming back every year."
An un-churched mom said, "I wanna come hang out with you guys!"
The mother of teenage volunteers said, "They had such a good time. They're already talking about next year."
Another mother said, "They came home so excited. They went on and on and then it all started over again when their dad got home."
A child who had a jubilee at her church today, skipped her service because she didn't want to miss our last time together.
A few children came back inside (from the waterslide) to spend a few more minutes in the worship theater and helped clean up.
And most precious and wonderful to me, we sent MULTIPLE letters home to the parents of children who decided to accept Christ as their Savior.
It's Another Day in Montgomery and I say:
To God be the GLORY because all I am is a crazy lady with a clipboard.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Day One
Done
No one ran away. I got a smile and a high five from one of the crankiest women I've encountered in a long time. The kids seemed happy(84 of them), the adults fulfilled (26), youth abounded (23) and the day really seemed to flow well. All in all it was a very good day.
It's Another Day in Montgomery and I say:
Thanks for praying. 1-down. 4-more to go.
No one ran away. I got a smile and a high five from one of the crankiest women I've encountered in a long time. The kids seemed happy(84 of them), the adults fulfilled (26), youth abounded (23) and the day really seemed to flow well. All in all it was a very good day.
It's Another Day in Montgomery and I say:
Thanks for praying. 1-down. 4-more to go.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
If you thought yesterday's post was grand...
Wait until you read this!!
In response to prayers (and some things He just chose to do on His own) God has done the following:
*Supernaturally brought me not one, but TWO volunteers to help with set-up and decoration. There is no reason they should have known when we were decorating. They came to church Sunday for the first time this year and I had not announced plans to decorate at service nor sent notice to them. They just showed up, ready to work. (You might recall that when all this started, I asked God to please just let volunteers come to me.)
*Devoloped not one, but TWO new friendships. (These seasonal visitors to the church have been discovered to be kindered spirits for not only myself, but my oldest child.) Jesus loves to have friends in His Name. And as an added bonus...they are from China! Now, we might get to see cool postage from God's Eastern Province.
*After addressing our teacher shortage via email - provided not one, but TWO volunteers for the vacant teaching position.
*Moved the heart of an individual/changed their circumstances - so that they, who had previously stated they would not (under any circumstances) be at VBS - will now be available - all day every day.
*Provided not one, but TWO options for the missing Missions individual.
*Blessed me with not one, but TWO blog-readers who continually lift me and my circumstances up to Him in prayer.
He is Mighty and Wonderful. He is Great and Glorious. I am nothing save for what He completes in me. You are storing up your treasures in Heaven - for you see - I am weak. Unable to complete this on my own. Unable, alone, to cover all things in prayer. You are my voice to God when I am unable to speak. You see the need for prayer when my eyes fail me. Your spirits are to be blessed beyond measure for being so selfless in your petitions to Our Lord.
It's Another Day in Montgomery and I am humbled beyond measure.
In response to prayers (and some things He just chose to do on His own) God has done the following:
*Supernaturally brought me not one, but TWO volunteers to help with set-up and decoration. There is no reason they should have known when we were decorating. They came to church Sunday for the first time this year and I had not announced plans to decorate at service nor sent notice to them. They just showed up, ready to work. (You might recall that when all this started, I asked God to please just let volunteers come to me.)
*Devoloped not one, but TWO new friendships. (These seasonal visitors to the church have been discovered to be kindered spirits for not only myself, but my oldest child.) Jesus loves to have friends in His Name. And as an added bonus...they are from China! Now, we might get to see cool postage from God's Eastern Province.
*After addressing our teacher shortage via email - provided not one, but TWO volunteers for the vacant teaching position.
*Moved the heart of an individual/changed their circumstances - so that they, who had previously stated they would not (under any circumstances) be at VBS - will now be available - all day every day.
*Provided not one, but TWO options for the missing Missions individual.
*Blessed me with not one, but TWO blog-readers who continually lift me and my circumstances up to Him in prayer.
He is Mighty and Wonderful. He is Great and Glorious. I am nothing save for what He completes in me. You are storing up your treasures in Heaven - for you see - I am weak. Unable to complete this on my own. Unable, alone, to cover all things in prayer. You are my voice to God when I am unable to speak. You see the need for prayer when my eyes fail me. Your spirits are to be blessed beyond measure for being so selfless in your petitions to Our Lord.
It's Another Day in Montgomery and I am humbled beyond measure.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
God is SO Good!
In my last post, I discussed God speaking to me directly concerning my situation, shared what He said and touched on how I love to be "freaked-out" when He speaks to me so clearly.
Well - guess what?!? It gets even better.
My new friend April (for whom I wrote a stunning rhyme) took it upon herself to try her hand at seeking God's Word herself...but not 'for' herself...for ME! Isn't that such a remarkable and wonderful thing to do??
She prayed for me and then sought the Lord's Word to speak to me. This is what He said,
"Say to him, 'Be careful, keep calm and don't be afraid. Do not lose heart because of these two smoldering stubs of firewood—because of the fierce anger of Rezin and Aram and of the son of Remaliah." (Isaiah 7:4)
You see, this was the most poignant of passages to set before me.
As you may or may not recall, our VBS was staffed with a skeleton crew. I had the exact number of adults to reach the bare minimum of needs. Well, being that it is/was "Another Day in Montgomery", Monday, one of the staff backed out. A second staff member tried to recuse herself, but I would not allow it (at least for M,T,W anyway). Tuesday, A speaker recused from the Missions rotation. The other individual who was to discuss Missions may very well have to remove herself in order to tend to the vacant teaching position. A third individual who thought would be there advised they would not be available throughout the week. Others, who previously indicated that decorations were not to be the main focus, kept offering me suggestions as to what else I could do in the way of decorating.
I consider these to be the two smoldering stubs of firewood. I was stressed out and frustrated and concerned and all the other adjectives that can go along with these types of events. I even felt like I might shed a tear or two (which -if you know me- you will understand to be very rare).
At my wits end and wanting to escape, I sat down to read a blog or two and found this most selfless of acts waiting for me. I need to check myself and remain focused (be careful) I have no need to be stressed (be calm). I have no need to worry (don't be afraid). The problems I face ( the two smoldering stubs of firewood and the angry kings) are nothing compared to my God.
God is so Mighty and Wonderful to answer a prayer for April to my benefit. This all should be seen as proof (as we sometimes may doubt when we don't see it evidenced) that God does hear your prayers for others. He does respond. He does want you to seek Him out for the benefit of others.
Thank you to all of you who pray for me. My spirit is sensitive to it. I do know.
Well - guess what?!? It gets even better.
My new friend April (for whom I wrote a stunning rhyme) took it upon herself to try her hand at seeking God's Word herself...but not 'for' herself...for ME! Isn't that such a remarkable and wonderful thing to do??
She prayed for me and then sought the Lord's Word to speak to me. This is what He said,
"Say to him, 'Be careful, keep calm and don't be afraid. Do not lose heart because of these two smoldering stubs of firewood—because of the fierce anger of Rezin and Aram and of the son of Remaliah." (Isaiah 7:4)
You see, this was the most poignant of passages to set before me.
As you may or may not recall, our VBS was staffed with a skeleton crew. I had the exact number of adults to reach the bare minimum of needs. Well, being that it is/was "Another Day in Montgomery", Monday, one of the staff backed out. A second staff member tried to recuse herself, but I would not allow it (at least for M,T,W anyway). Tuesday, A speaker recused from the Missions rotation. The other individual who was to discuss Missions may very well have to remove herself in order to tend to the vacant teaching position. A third individual who thought would be there advised they would not be available throughout the week. Others, who previously indicated that decorations were not to be the main focus, kept offering me suggestions as to what else I could do in the way of decorating.
I consider these to be the two smoldering stubs of firewood. I was stressed out and frustrated and concerned and all the other adjectives that can go along with these types of events. I even felt like I might shed a tear or two (which -if you know me- you will understand to be very rare).
At my wits end and wanting to escape, I sat down to read a blog or two and found this most selfless of acts waiting for me. I need to check myself and remain focused (be careful) I have no need to be stressed (be calm). I have no need to worry (don't be afraid). The problems I face ( the two smoldering stubs of firewood and the angry kings) are nothing compared to my God.
God is so Mighty and Wonderful to answer a prayer for April to my benefit. This all should be seen as proof (as we sometimes may doubt when we don't see it evidenced) that God does hear your prayers for others. He does respond. He does want you to seek Him out for the benefit of others.
Thank you to all of you who pray for me. My spirit is sensitive to it. I do know.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)